My experience with YNBY

So I've completed the YNBY protocol not to many days ago, and I have to admit, I am definately feeling a significant difference in how I feel, especially the realization last night with my mood these days. Overall, I seem to be in better spirits than normal, and less quick to anger, if there is any reason to be angry about. I have been feeling alittle more sleepy these days, but I'm not entirely sure if that is due to the protocol or not. Could be something eles that's been of concern.

The experience while I was on the formula was interesting in and of itself. Very slow and uneventful, until after the fact. Everything from interesting dreams to down right crazy one's. of the most memorable was a dream near the end of the protocol that I'd had about something in my nose. In the dream I was waking up with an uncomfortable feeling in my nose. I was already suffering with spring time allergies of the wind cold type, when I woke I had felt that I needed to blow my nose real bad otherwise I would enter into one of my automatic fire option sneezing fits. So I desperately searched for a tissue but couldn't get out of bed due to the extreme sleepiness and the uber comfort of my tempur - pedic mattress. (for another time but the mattress makes it hard to get up early for class) So layed back down and I felt something hanging out of my nose. I proceeded to pull it out, with great pain, and when I had pulled most of it out it was some type of earring. Thin Gold twisted metal with dangles of purple gems. Yet, there seemed to be more in my nose attached to the earring. So I continued to pull and then out with the hook, came some long thick sticky globulous matter. The strange part was that as I was pulling it out of my nose it was pulling out with a severe burning sensation. I finally, reached the end of the stringy mass, and with an elated sense of relief a burst of cool air filled my sinuses and I could breath. The Burning sensation was still there but my sinuses were clear and I didn't need to sneeze. For the first time I had felt that perhaps the globular mass was the physical aspect of my allergies. If this is true or not I'm not sure, because when I finally awoke, I desperately needed to blow my nose and clear my sinuses.

I ran to the bathroom in the hopes that perhaps that same globular mass would show up, but alas, no. Something eles appeared out of the norm in my nasal discharge of allergy season. Yellow thicker than normal mucous. My normal discharge is of the clear and watery nature, but this was like I had a fever or flu or something. The type of yellow that most would associate with Bacterial infection, that kind of yellow. Then upon closer examination I discovered that it was granular. Now my first thought was 'OH F!@#!!!' something is living in my nose. Then I though what if this was my bodies way of accumulating all the pollen that my poor weakend sinuses had accumulated and finally in one fell swoop, decided to eject it all in a nice neat package. Could this truly have been the end of my allergies? Don't know, still had allergies for 1 more week before the rains had come, and the trees stopped pollenating. Yet, it is still nice to know that the possibility that my allergies can be eliminated.

Although, to some degree allergies are born into us, on the other hand I like to believe that allergies were triggered by something more than just some form of DNA encoding by our parents. From the limited exposure that I've had with western Medicine, I find that allergies are in some way shape or form, a body's reaction to an external action or invasion. It's just that for some the sensitivity levels of this response are greater than others. What if the degree of this sensitivity has a close relation with the sensitivity we have emotionally or cognitively with the world around us. Let's say in the case of how one deals with daily stress. Now i could be wrong on this point but, I've seen a trend with stress (with regards to certain constitutional types) and allergy sufferers. Now I'm not so sure as to why just yet, I do intend to research more on this subject, but there seems to be a direct correlation.

Hopefully some readers will be able to help with some insight to this matter.

Anyway, That's pretty much it on the YNBY tip, I do have more but I am beat, and I haven't been a good patient with the sleeping department, so I figure I be an atypical student and sleep relatively earlier than my norm.

It sure is nice to blog and rant again.

Corn Refiners Association

I've encountered some crazy stuff on tv before, but these latest string of commercials brings me to another level of o.O that I'm ashamed to be an american.  

Most folks know that High Fructose corn syrup will pretty much jack up ones internals to such a distraught degree that one should just go ahead and do aline of coke and get clap from the local been around, then spread the joy to the rest of the world.  Yet some how with declining profits and the scare that the corn industry would be hurt by the progressing realization of HFCS and it's effects on the Homo Sapien, that their recent marketing campaign would like to let the US denizens know that HFCS is all natural and that it's made from corn, has the same caloric intake as sugar and if taken in moderation would be 'Shiny.'  o.O O.o ahhhh~~~~  o~kay.

I have to wonder what the average American thinks is 'moderate' let alone if the average American even knows what real healthy living is all about.  Sure for the most part, the foods that we eat today are laced with ungodly matter that still baffles even me, that I would partake in such a communal kool-aid fest.  Yet, I try to reduce this activity in my life, knowing that eventually the effects of the chemicals that I've ingested will have a direct effect on me in the future.   Corporate America, National lobby power holding organizations, and I'd like to guess pharmecutical companies probably know or believe that the benefits out weigh the good.  Does this mean that they too consume of the same foods that the rest of the US eat.  Particularly the Lower income families that are the of the economic bracket that can afford to LIVE on nothing eles but that.  

I'm going to go pray now, to God, that I will love even the people whom do wrong, knowingly.  I will pray for this Nation that not for people to know of their wrongs but that the US as a blessed nation will know the love of God, the love of Christ and that the same love is with us all to share and take care of our fellow brothers and sisters.  God bless the people of this nation, and the leaders that are supposed to work for the benefit of the people and Your will.  

-Peace

Dreams from a depressed state

I've had a bout of depression this week that some what came on suddenly in the later part of the week.  I can usually get over it with prayer exercise and thinking things through, but with getting married and trying to earn a living, the depression has somewhat culminated today.  

As the saddened feelings start to sweep over all my emotions, I can feel a sense of overwhelming wrapping around me and my soul.  All most like the feeling of a bird in a bird cage having it's cloth put on top of it by it's food provider and having no power to stop it from happening.  Thoughts of past times, personal relationships that are normal but finding the bad in them, and all the little things in life that make life horrible and unbearable.  At the end of worship today, instead of feeling joy, I felt sorrow and remorse.  Not wanting to talk with any congregation members nor any old friends that had shown up in town for a friends wedding this past weekend. All I had wanted to do today was go home and sleep.  

I got home, hit the pillow and couldn't even sleep but instead cried.  It had been some time now since I had shed tears for anything.  I cried but it was different.  Tears fell without weeping and just a welling up of emotions pushing itself out of me through my eyes.  Yet even with the crying there was no relief.  I ate alittle chinese food, which I look back now and made me feel alittle more depressed due to the fact that I'm trying to loose weight and am trying a new way of eating but I disregarded that method today.  So after some time i was able to get some sleep.

My dreams have always been interesting.  I always feel as if they are of several alternate universes of me just due to the fact of the feeling of realism and there continuity with each respective alt. universe.  So during my 3 hour nap, I was driving around some canyon roads, everything was colorless.  I was driving away from something, going away mad and not just going away.  Then camera change and I'm riding a razor scooter on the opposite side of the guardrail, upon which happens to be a thin trail along the canyon face.  I'm doing tricks down the canyon like a mountain dew commercial and next thing I know I do a trick off a small cliff and land on the dusty parking lot of some motel/dinette in the middle of the desert. Flawless land but near perilous dismount.  i get of the razor and slam my lower back onto the rough dry ground.  Exhuming a dust cloud around me of h bomb proportions. I black out, and reanimate briefly when someone from the motel comes out and tells me they are going to contact my fiance and attempts to feed me some water.  I blacked out again, no more likely due to the fact that I dislike drinking water from a location that I my self have not tapped from.  Upon awaking I see my beautiful Girl holding and crying for fear that I'm paralyzed as she tells me, 

"paramedics are on there way." No sooner the head reverend of my church shows up around the corner and proceeds to enter one of the rooms and tells me to, "Get up and come in, we need to talk." So i proceed to get up, which then triggers my fiance to get upset at the fact that i'm not paralyzed and having put her through all that, then she runs off into the sunset crying.  I didn't like that too much.  So i proceed to the room, sit down on the brown vinyl sofa and my pastor begins to pray for our time and the place that we are in so that we can no doubt talk about my depression.  After his prayer, he begins speaking with a perfect english accent and tells me about how "sometimes clinical depression is misdiagnosed and often times miss understood as something that can be taken care of by ones own abilities."  No sooner I see a hand with a silver mens watch pop out from under and around the back end of a red end table to my right.

"Pastor Kim, do see a hand there or is it just me?!"

"I don't see anything, are you feeling okay?" as he begins to move aside.  I get up slightly to get a better view when a corner of a pillow blocks my vision for but a split second and the appendage is gone.  I think nothing of it, I just flew off a cliff face and survived.  I'm sure i hit my head alittel hard right? NO!  I see two hands now next to a door just past the end table near the entrance to the room that I was in.  Same watch on the hand too.  My fiance enters the room and i ask her if she sees any hands on the floor, and her reply, "No?" perplexed and confused she gets down on her hands and knees to try and see what i'm seeing. Maybe it's a light angle thing or something.  Reverend Kim now concerned about my mental health for sure begins praying to cast daemons out of the room. I get up and upon sight with different light I see a figure of a man on his hands and knees looking for something under the door.  Next to him is an androgynous child knocking his head on my fiance's head as if playing a fun game.  

I call out to the apparition, "Who are you? You can see me can't you?" Pastor now really concerned backs into a corner of the room on his knees praying what I can assume maybe something along the lines of an exorcism or something.  I try and get the ghost attention again, "I can see you dude, what is it that you want?"  The ghosts now appear as if human and alive.  I begin to state that this is a blessed and protected room, you must be here because God allowed it for some reason.  "Pastor, we must help them to be set free and go to heaven."  We proceed to ask questions and see what we can do.  No danger is felt but just a strange creepiness about the whole thing.  The older man soon reveals that he is a heroine addict as he proceeds to bring out his pouch and with syringe paraphernalia and a blue liquid substance in the syringe.  i tell him that he can't do that here and that he should stop.  Soon after he tells me that he needs to find something in a closet in a back room.  Which happens to be a back room in my old home in New jersey, Demarest to be exact.  I don't' go in as to the fact that my sense tell me I shouldn't follow so i tell him he doesn't need to go there, so he tells me okay you can stay and I'll come back.  he goes to the dark room with the child, where he finds the closet, turns the light on and proceeds to find what he's looking for.  He comes back and brings out a small jacket for a child. I see the label and it reads american eagle.  The Jacket is a two piece jacket that is layered.  The outer part is more like a utility jacket, with several pockets and the inner is a hoodie.  He puts it on the smaller child and the jacket is adorable on the child, much bigger then could fit the child but cute none the less.  Then the dream changes and I can only assume that the we left the motel and were now somewhere in NJ at night and it's raining.  we all proceed to get in out cars.  I pull out and try to make a left turn but need to wait as to the fact that there is some construction and several cars blocking the one lane.  Then Pastor Kim tells me to follow him.  So I proceed, while doing so I begin to pray for the two souls that God allow them into heaven and that they find Christ and be set free from whatever it is that was tormenting them.  next thing I know i wake up and find my self somewhere else looking a device that shows the whereabouts of my car.  So I begin to drive my car with the device like batman and try to find my way out.  but I realize that it's all so familiar to me and I've been to this place many times before.  Familiar back alleys and brick walls, but the difference was that it was daytime and I was usually there at night.  Upon making that realization I awaken.  Taking a moment to see is I was still dreaming.  Maybe I still am.

-Peace

Human Culture

What is the current state of culture today? Everyone is so interested in the individual cultures of singular nations but then again, what happen to the universal culture of people in general? Everything from button down shirts to denim jeans and sneakers could be considered cultural norms of today right? If an alien race were to come down and see and examine our species they would most likely see many similarities in the way we do things, see things, and experience them. Through food, clothes, and even mannerisms have the powerful ability to cross cultures, both the good, the bad, and the ugly. So what would the standard or icon of the denizens of Earth be.? What would such emblem portray as to the essence and nature of what we call the human race, to be.?

Beyond the fads, fashions trends, and the milieu of ideologies, what is the single most intrinsic aspect of the species Homo Sapien, Earthling, bipedal hominid of the third planet from sol.? Maybe destruction, perhaps spirituality, or maybe even love. If money is the root of all evil, than what is love? I've heard some people say that it is the opposite of money(aka evil in this instance). I've heard that love is the absence of evil (i'm not sure about that one). Someone once told me that love is just love (whatever that means). The bible says God is Love. So then would the symbol of the human race be a symbol of Love. How does one draw such a thing. should it even be drawn? Can it be Drawn? can someone truly draw Love? Not and aspect of love, nor what love between things or of things, but love itself. Is love the fuel that drives us, molds our thoughts and reveals the destinies of the universe? Or is it nothing more than a futile human at temp to try to quantify something that was never meant to be labeled and compartmentalized in the consciousness of the soul.

Is there a new search for understanding in this day and age? I believe so. More and more everyday, folks allover the world are searching for answers to things that at some point within the past century or so, the mass populace felt that it was time to stop thinking about these things and start thinking about new world order. Well, perhaps mankind is waking up again to the reality that is human. Many people have devoted their lives to this search and understanding, and then there are those that follow the devoted. Everything from Religion, Philosophy, and even exercise is under the scrutinous eyes of the people, and everyone wants answers. Some are out there for the truth, weather to debunk or scientifically quantify. Others just have no where to go and have run out of options so they throw in the last of what they have in the hopes that in the crap shoot, they'll hit big. The people are interested more then ever i feel, and I also feel that it's just in it's infancy. No longer about signs, but the wheels and gears are churning for something, something big. Good or bad a wind is blowing in a direction that it hasn't blown before. Perhaps it will be a new post modern renaissance, or maybe just a bastardization of true human thought. Will this become the next new Human Culture? a new era of thought?

-Peace

Missions Minded

I've been praying recently about how God wishes me to live for his glory in the past several year. So many different avenues had appeared and I tried several of them. One of which was photography and media. In a short but fast three years I've been able to travel to several locales and document the goings on of the modern missionary world. The experience has become very uplifting and eye opening to say the least. Perhaps I'll attempt to post some videos up on here once I have the time to figure it all out while taking a break from my studies.

Jordan, being perhaps my favorite mission trip, was what really had my heart pumping and my soul pointing in the direction of the winds that God was carrying me. I was the only American born Korean on the team and the only one that could barely speak any of my blood native tongue. I managed somehow, by the grace of God and his spirit, to be allowed to capture some of my most treasured photographs. The stills really portray the emotions and times of the people that we encountered, Iraqi Refugees. Their stories are still resonating in my dreams and my heart and prayers are still going out to them. There story really needs to be heard as is the stories of so many hundreds of other innocents that have been tossed into the whirlwind of traumatic non-life of war.

I still keep in contact with one student who has been blessed with the chance to immigrate to the US. He tells me that some of his other family members are still in Jordan, unable to get their visas for one reason or another, but in time with the prayers of the faithful, his entire family will be united again. Yet, through all of it, he still has the ability to stand up on top and be proud to be alive, to be a Christian, and to live free.

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I'll be leaning a new skill soon, that I pray will become a part of me, so that I may be able to Glorify Him with whatever service that I can provide. The medicine, that I try so desperately to retain in my brain as well as my heart, is something that I will cherish and thankfully accept everyday. For those that know me from before attending FCIM, know that I was never a student nor a scholar by any means and I was never a fan of reading. Now I am living my life at the moment, reading and studying all that is in front of me so as to not squander the gifts that have been given to me. My heart for missions continues to grow everyday. The medicine I'm studying, slowly but surely, is becoming a part of me. I can only hope to make my Saviour proud and that my life could glorify God almighty, and that in the end, when the dust settles, that my name not be remembered, but that God's fingerprints be the only evidence left in the hearts of the people that I encounter every day.

-Peace

Confidential?

This blog is not confidential by any means but more rather a coping of a title from Bourdain's book, Kitchen Confidential. I felt like blogging my thoughts and tales of me, making my way through oriental medicine school and the journey that God has in store for me with this powerful tool. So we'll see what happens. There will be drama, perhaps, horror, maybe, but definitely some interesting reads and hopefully some juice that might tickle ya. =) There may even be pictures o.O so until then, check back from time to time.

- Peace